Intervention
by Marree
Summary: Zell has ::: sniff::: a problem. And :::sniff:::: his friends have to save him. This is 1 of two. This is the funny one, the depressing serious one is the other one I just put up...


Intervention  
by Mariye  
  
======  
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own anything here at all. Not even the  
website mentioned (which, BTW is kinda cool). I don't wanna say what   
it yet... I don't wanna give the story away...  
A/N: This whole idea of Zell w/serious problems started eating away   
at me when I read Caleb Nova's speech on the characters. So I'm   
writing 2 Zell fics. This is a funny one, kind of to make up for how  
depressing and sad my second serious Zell fic is going to be...  
======  
  
Quistis looked around at all the people outside Zell's door.   
  
"Now we agree this is for the best. It really has gone to far and we  
need to make him see how addicted he is." It had been three months and  
none of them had even seen Zell leave his room.   
  
"I say we leave him there. Ever since Chicken-Wuss started this,   
Garden's been so nice and peaceful and quiet." Seifer said while   
smiling. Quistis glared at him and he froze.  
  
Irvine continued for him. "And I don't get run down when I'm standing  
around talking and the call for fresh hotdogs goes out."  
  
"Zell is our friend. We have to help him." Selphie said, she shaking  
her head. "Its just so sad."  
  
"I should have known. He is my best friend." Squall looked down at the  
ground. Rinoa patted his shoulder.  
  
"It isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself." Rinoa gently knocked  
on the door. "Zell? Are you there?"  
  
"Go away!"  
  
Irvine moved to the door. "Zell! We all need to talk to you!"  
  
"Busy! Leave now! Get lost!"  
  
Seifer pushed Irvine aside. "If you don't open this door Chicken-Wuss,  
we're gonna bust it down!"  
  
"No! Bad people leave!"  
  
Seifer got ready to break the door down when Rinoa pushed in front of  
him. She knelt down in front of the door, got out a hairpin, and   
fiddled with the lock. Suddenly the door popped open.  
  
"Men. Always have to do it the violent way. Come on."   
  
The room was completely dark. The only light was coming from a   
computer screen. Zell sat in front of the screen, glued to it. Never  
moving. His spiky hair helped create a punk silhoutte on the floor.  
Every twenty seconds a clicking could be heard. Quistis moved forward  
and touched his shoulder.  
  
"We need to talk to you." Zell spun around in the spinny chair and  
faced them. His eyes were glassy.  
  
"There is no Zell. Only Ghostwatcher Zell."  
  
Squall looked at the screen. On it was a black and white picture of a   
dank, dark basement. At the page's top read the following is eerie  
white words...:  
  
June Houston's Ghost Watcher  
Help June sleep safely tonight.  
  
"Zell, what is this?" He asked, moving toward the screen. He reached  
for the mouse. Zell's hand shot out and grabbed the mouse away.  
  
"Don't touch."  
  
Irvine shook his head and flipped on the lights. "See Selphie, this is  
why Cid didn't want to allow the internet in dorm rooms."  
  
"Well I didn't think this would happen." Selphie said while moving   
her hands in front of Zell's eyes, trying to look for recognition.  
Quistis pushed her hand away. Seifer shook his head.   
  
"What a joke." He looked at the screen. "Only Chicken-Wuss would get   
addicted to a site where you can see pictures of alleged 'ghosts.'"  
Zell stood up and reached for Seifer's collar. He pulled Seifer's  
head down so he could look him in the eyes.  
  
"THEY ARE REAL."  
  
"Have you ever seen one Zell?" Rinoa asked skeptically while looking  
for the computer plug. She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"No. The page has proof though. Others have seen them."  
  
Quistis walked to Seifer and whispered in his ear. "Go find the  
circuit breaker for this room and shut the power down." Seifer nodded  
and gave her a quick kiss, then left.  
  
"Ghostwatcher Zell, this has to stop." Squall shook his head. "I need  
my best friend back. I have to hang out with Seifer and Irvine with  
you not being around." Irvine gave him a glare.  
  
"This is my destiny."  
  
"Your destiny is to be a SeeD. To be great." Rinoa said, almost   
pleading. Quistis made a gesture to the coherent to show she was   
leaving, and disappeared.  
  
"I already am great."  
  
Selphie took Zell's hand. "Ghostwatcher Zell, can we talk to Zell   
now?"  
  
"There is no Zell. Only Ghostwatcher Zell..."  
  
"Yeah, we've heard it already." Irvine shook his head. "Zell, you have  
missions to go on. You need to go outside once and a while. Talk to  
people. Visit your mom. Wash your clothes. Eat. Blink."   
  
"My mission is to help June sleep safely."  
  
Suddenly the whole room went dark. Zell's eyes darted to the dark   
computer screen.  
  
"You have to listen to us now Zell." Selphie pleaded. "Zell?" He   
walked to his bed, knelt down, and felt underneath it. He eventually  
pulled out a small rectangular box. He opened up his laptop.  
  
"Its hopeless!" Squall said sighing. Quistis walked back in with a  
tray.  
  
"Maybe if Selphie or Rinoa kissed him..." Irvine mused.  
  
"Ewww!" Selphie and Rinoa said, while pushing Irvine onto Zell's bed.  
  
"Ladies, please. Now is not the time."  
  
"Double ewww!" Both of them backed up and hid behind Squall.  
  
"Zell? Lunch. Fresh Cafeteria hot dogs and the new issue of Combat  
Monthly." Zell stopped and brightened up.  
  
"Hot dogs?"  
  
Squall shook his head. "Figures."  
  
------  
  
"Hey kids! Incredibly hot teen idol Zell here."  
  
"Hot, bull. Like any living creature would consider Chicken-Wuss hot."  
  
"Shut up Seifer! This is my portion of the story! Mine!"  
  
"Didn't you ever watch Mr. Rogers and learn to share Chicken-Wuss?  
Besides, everyone knows I'm the hot one."  
  
"Bad Seifer! Go away!"  
  
"Ciiiiid! Zell's hogging the story when I only had a few lines!"  
  
"Hey, I was underused to and you don't see me complaining!"   
  
"Zell, share with Seifer and Selphie."  
  
"Great. Selphie, Seifer, come on! Get your butts outta here before   
I go ballistic!"  
  
"Lighten up Chicken-Wuss."  
  
"Yeah, lighten up Chicken-Wuss."  
  
"I need to explain to the people how not to get addicted to that   
ghostwatch site!"  
  
"These people are smarter than you! They're not dumb enough to get   
lured into that."  
  
"Oooooo! He dissed you good Zell!"  
  
"Shut UP!"  
  
"Hey guys, we gotta problem."  
  
"Hey Irvine, what? Can't find your spirs?"  
  
"Funny. Rinoa got hooked on one of those online auction sites."  
  
"Great. We gotta go through this again. Dang."  
  
"Who's stuff is she auctioning off?"  
  
"Squall's. She even sold his gunblade Selphie."  
  
"Eeepers. That's bad."  
  
"Come on Chicken-Wuss, we gotta go. Can't believe anyone would want  
Squall's stuff..."  
  
"She tried to sell my hat too. Zell's gloves went for $290, and   
Squall's boxers went for $6344."  
  
"Just a second! Oh, wait! No! Not the end! I need to get across my  
message."  
  
======  
  
[the end]  
  
"Yeah, you couldn't have waited fifteen seconds... lousy no good   
author thinks she can rule the world...  
  
  
Site Mentioned: June Houston's Ghost Watcher  
(http://www.flyvision.org/sitelite/Houston/GhostWatcher/index.html) 


End file.
